So Bad It’s Good: Pitching Love and Catching Faith

These twenty-somethings who are the best at their respective sports are so broken and lost. Well, Tyler might be. He takes a huge sip out of the jug of Sunny D, which might be the worst thing I’ve seen in this movie. At least he wasn’t holding the phone to his face before rejecting Heather’s call. Tyler’s sister comes to berate him for not dating Heather. He’s apparently “fallen in love” with this “conflict of interest” – she’s a cool girl and all, but baseball is his focus and Heather isn’t very Christian.

He’s going to leave in three days and then Heather’s temptress ways won’t be his problem anymore. Sister is like, “You’re wrong, she’s totally different, and I am not just saying that because we couldn’t know if I wasn’t expositing.”

We’ve watched two scenes mentioning how Heather has changed, but how has the film shown that?

I’ll wait…

And what would the film expect to have changed within less than two weeks?

She didn’t kiss Tyler against his wishes because of a magic ring? Is it because she didn’t let Kelsey kiss her neck two seconds ago, which no one but them and the audience saw? What scene earlier in the film shows a different Heather than what was on the screen twenty minutes ago?

Randy and Rebecca, I know you’re reading this because no one else has written anything as significant on your film – what do you think is the difference between Heather in scene one and scene whatever this one is?

No one has even said “Jesus” to her, so what is she changing to? What from? Oh, I just realized the sister is still giving exposition to Tyler about just how badly he needs to date Heather because that’s the plot…

So Tyler does what any man would do after being yelled at by his sister – he goes to Heather’s house to knock on her window in the middle of the night. They have cell phones, but he opts for the burglar approach. But they aren’t going to talk through the window; he’s asking her to come outside and go sit on the playground to have an adult discussion. Apparently, Kelsey and Heather go way back, which is the best explanation we will ever get about their relationship. And Tyler didn’t technically ask ranch lady out, so he’s in the clear there. He just wanted to eat her cookies, and that’s not an innuendo.

Tyler knows Heather is wondering why he hasn’t kissed anyone (though he won’t address why he couldn’t tell her himself), and the fact she is wondering is completely undermining of the fact she has already been told. I guess the movie forgot about that, because Tyler is now telling the same story about how he told his friends he wouldn’t kiss a girl. The twist is that his mom told him to save it for someone special, and he’s especially careful not to kiss now that his mom is dead.

Norman Bates would be proud, and Heather is impressed too!

She wishes more guys didn’t want kisses, and Tyler’s response is along the lines of, “No, all women want are dudes that can kissssss.”

Who cares if women do want guys to kiss them? That’s normal.

But either way, let’s not pretend that’s the pervasive stereotype in society. When we think of the stereotypical straight woman, she’s not on the prowl for men to orally assault. This movie thinks things like “respect” or “caring about them as a person” don’t matter to wordly women – it’s all about that lip-on-lip action.

This is the kind of thing a guy says before he starts talking about how all women are trash who want guys with a criminal record and bundles of cash. The Sternbergs shouldn’t steal script ideas from incel forums.

Now that the two main characters have discussed the main conflict of the film, that they could have discussed earlier to solve all of these problems even though they didn’t need to because one of them already did discuss it with someone so we had all the information we needed, we can end this movie.

Wait… there’s thirty-seven minutes left?

How?

What can possibly happen when Tyler is already a major leaguer without dating Heather? He’s worked out his issues with Heather, and she has a purity ring and stopped kissing guys; so what is the conflict in this movie again?

Heather wakes up in her bed, but Tyler is in her home. He surprises her with breakfast in bed. I don’t think the filmmakers realize that this feels post-coital. They apparently stayed up watching the moon rise, which also sounds sexual. This breakfast he made is Apple Jacks and a glass of orange juice, which takes all of two seconds to make. Cereal and juice is not a romantic gesture. Kami asks the sister if Heather told him, but we don’t understand what that means and neither does she.

I’ve seen this entire movie and I don’t have an explanation for this.

Tyler and Heather go running in the park, and then he covers her eyes and takes her to a picnic he set up. There’s a picnic date montage that uses the entirety of this royalty-free country romance song. The two of them giggle and eat, then Tyler plays guitar, then they dance around in rapidly changing natural lighting. It’s supposed to be a lot more romantic than it is. It ends with them playing tennis by standing at opposing corners of the court, as if they aren’t allowed to use any other part. Why can’t they play the sport they’re good at instead of trying out all these different physical activities they can’t do? Their ineptitude makes me question the entire premise of them being star athletes.

Now Heather starts talking about how happy she is that they started dating, but it’s impossible to tell how long it’s been since they did. Did the tennis not immediately follow the picnic? When did they start dating? She’s so much happier now that she has a man, and Tyler is refreshing and fun in her opinion.

This is apparently “weird” to tell her boyfriend, but maybe that’s because she’s used to guys that don’t treat her well. You know, like a project, and like she doesn’t fit in, and not loving her for her and whatever other non-specific relationship drivel she vomited out. Tyler learned to treat every girl like a princess, which means he isn’t allowed to talk to them unless he’s part of the noble class? Women aren’t princesses, they’re humans with normal emotions that you treat like a normal person. And we all know Tyler would never use a woman for his own selfish reasons, like pretending they were dating to impress a scout for the Angels.

Mr. Humble, over here. He’s just so different.

As the two of them grab their rackets, Kelsey walks up with three roses in his hands because Kami told him he could find Heather at the tennis courts. Kelsey misses what he and Heather had (which was…?), and then asks if Tyler was the guy she tried to corrupt. Does the movie forget he saw them together earlier? Tyler thinks he had Heather all wrong, and walks away mad that she would have the audacity to have possibly dated a man in the past. I mean, it kind of was just a couple days ago she was on a date with him, but Tyler was on a date with some rando, too!

Tyler walks away, and Heather is distraught.

Heather goes to Tyler’s sister, who knows her brother can be difficult. Heather admits she “dated [Tyler] for the wrong reasons,” which is dumb. She says she dated him “just so [she] could get a kiss”.

What?

That’s… that’s why people date.

To kiss one another.

If someone told me they dated someone just to get a kiss, I’d be weirded out because that shouldn’t be the only reason, but let’s not pretend wanting to kiss someone is an abnormal response in the dating-sphere. His sister just says, “Ookay”, and walks away. Kami was listening behind a wall, but let’s not pretend like that matters.

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