The Only Movies Your Douchebag Ex Has Ever Seen – Top 10

8. Memento (2000)

“Tattoos are cool, right? Well this guy has to get some so he can remember things from this cool crime that happened.”

Another narrative twizzler to get the basic boys’ panties bulging.

Memento is the young male’s fantasy, a story of constant new beginnings that come with little consequence but somehow offer resolution nonetheless, a thoroughly male-centric movie experience that can really define the “might be a decent guy” types from the “posts sexist insults on IGN message boards” types.

Nolan movies are a go-to for the cultured kn*bhead, but Memento is for that special breed who are also too pretentious to admit they like Batman or Inception.

Recommended for you: Christopher Nolan Films Ranked


7. American Beauty (1999)

“It’s a bag, and it’s floating in the wind. Damn, if that isn’t poetic.”

American Beauty is the Suburban Middle Class Boy Who Hates His Parents’ wet dream, a film about all the trials and tribulations of living with little to no cultural or political oppression – white Americana on steroids, fast food and all.

The film quite clearly portrays how difficult it can be for the more well off in society to emotionally deal with things when asked to do jobs they had previously had slaves to do for them, so this is one that attracts that special brand of douchebag who hates his Dad for buying him a car on his 18th but never loving him the way he wanted him to; the sort of guy who won’t be able to understand why you can’t go out tonight because he’s never had money issues in his entire life.

Likely to be seen casually following girls 10 years their junior around public areas.




6. Donnie Darko (2001)

[See above entry] plus “spoopy”.

Likely to dress up as something from this for Halloween.

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COMMENTS

  • <cite class="fn">Will</cite>

    Somebody is really hating themselves and their inadequate female life here for sure
    Sorry every movie isn’t the freaking Notebook.

  • <cite class="fn">Katie D</cite>

    Possibly the best article on the whole damn website

  • <cite class="fn">Monica</cite>

    Aww, I was quite fond of Donnie Darko when I was in high school fifteen years ago. That said, my biggest takeaway from it was the Gary Jules’ cover of Mad World. Well, that and the idea that “cellar door” is a beautiful pair of words. (The most beautiful in the English language? Definitely not. But yes, beautiful.)

  • <cite class="fn">Joe Bloggs</cite>

    What a pile. Terrible, passive aggressive journalism.

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