It’s time to curl up with a mug of microwaved cocoa and your favorite store bought cookies to watch the worst cinema has to offer for the most wonderful time of the year. From knock-offs of classics to the boring but at Christmas, here is your definitive guide to the seemingly bottomless depths of Christmas movies.
Honorable Mention: The Holiday
This film is too competent for the list, but it is one of the worst mainstream “Christmas” films I’ve ever seen. Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz, two women successful in career but unlucky in love, swap houses for two weeks. The film feels too focused on Cameron Diaz’s romance with Jude Law, and shoves in three separate plot threads for Kate Winslet; a former lover, a neighbor, and a new friend who is obviously going to be her love interest but it doesn’t happen until around the two-hour mark of this film. Its desperation to be “old Hollywood” is foiled by its own inability to edit and focus on making a story that isn’t bonkers.
10. Christmas Inheritance
It’s a Hallmark movie made for Netflix.
Starring someone you’ve never heard of and Plop from the worst season of ‘The Office’, Christmas Inheritance is about an heiress who gets drunk and does some backflips for charity. As punishment, she has to go to a small town and deliver a card to her dad’s old business partner. For some reason, people can’t know her identity. It’s a fine, inoffensive bad Christmas movie.
Available on Netflix
9. A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding
Do you love royal weddings? This isn’t the movie for you. Despite the title, the sequel to 2017’s A Christmas Prince is mostly about pissing all over centuries-old traditions and the country’s economic crisis. Amber, who is poised to become queen of Totallynotengland, deals with the difficulties of being part of the royal family – this includes having her blog posts screened to protect the family’s image and having to wear traditional garb for the wedding. Doesn’t the upper echelon of society have it so hard in an absolute monarchy? This odd treatise on radical individualism and indictment of poor finance management on the national level isn’t the romantic royal dream it’s been marketed as.
Available on Netflix