What Happens When You Spend A Week Watching Christmas 24?

Day 5: Poinsettia’s for Christmas 

A film about the poinsettia’s not turning red for Christmas had me seeing red, as I grow weary of watching different variations of the same film.

This isn’t going to be review it’s just going to be a rant about how much I HATE these films – I have finally cracked. A co-worker just told me that she “adores the tacky Christmas movie channels,” and I don’t think it’s safe for me to be around her for a while. I’m shocked my brain hasn’t tried to get out of dodge and escape via my arsehole. Give it time.

I am getting so fed up of writing the same stuff and I’m sure you are getting fed up of reading it. Instead, I am going to vent spleen all over this page until my murderous rage subsides.

The formulaic plots are driving me insane, especially when the proud townsfolk snub people for choosing the city life. Seriously, what is so wrong with living in a city? You can buy milk at all hours, Tinder is a lot more interesting and your immune system becomes seriously stoic. What’s not to love, you festive hick-town freaks!

The second complaint is otherwise successful women feeling the need to sacrifice success in their career for love. Admittedly, it is their choice, but can’t we have both? Hallmark says no, especially if you work in advertising (which nearly all of these women do).

The misogynistic magic of Christmas is starting to hurt my feminist soul.

The third is that there is an extreme focus on family values, but not on the food. Christmas is ALL about eating too much and snoozing on the sofa, paper hat crooked to one side. These films have far too much cheese and not enough crackers!

I usually manage to take the piss or muster up a witty remark, but I’ve run out of ways to make it interesting or original. Christmas 24 is like a variety pack of cereal: you think there’s loads of different options, but they’ve packed duplicates on the other side.

Tonight I am going on strike and watching that Kurt Russell Christmas film on Netflix. You win Christmas 24, I am a shell of the person I used to be. If anyone needs me, I will be getting spoon fed while I shiver in the corner and intermittently weep.

The sixth movie, The Christmas Chronicles (2018) will start tonight at whenever I want o’clock . Watch along with me and follow my live Tweeting @bloggybalboa.

Elizabeth Howlett

Elizabeth Howlett

Multi-platform journalist and film psychoanalyst who loves 80s films, but doesn’t think much of John Hughes. Horror and fantasy theory is her jam and she can quote anything at the drop of a hat. Her brain holds more pop culture references than you can shake a stick at and she hums the theme to Jurassic Park without realising. Heir to the throne and rightful queen of puns – you owe her your allegiance.
Elizabeth Howlett