Your Holiday Guide to Bad Halloween Movies
The Happening (2008)
What happened?
M. Night Shyamalan’s… eco-thriller? arbhorror?… is a cautionary tale about climate change… probably.
The Happening is downright hilarious. You can’t avoid laughing at a movie where someone just inexplicably feeds themselves to tigers. Watch Mark Wahlberg struggle to convincingly play a science teacher (which seems to be on par with nuclear physicist in terms of expertise in this universe), and Zooey Deschanel make the same face for 90 minutes in the least thrilling film you’ll ever watch.
Recommended for you: M. Night Shyamalan Directed Movies Ranked
Soul to Keep (2018)
This movie starts out with a brother and sister singing “Do Your Ears Hang Low” while replacing “ears” with other things like “boobs” or “fart”. The horror doesn’t reach a higher level of sophistication than that.
The plot follows a group of friends who visit a house that was gifted to the siblings when their grandfather died, but it turns out gramps kept demon stuff in his basement. It’s plagued with annoying characters with bizarre interpersonal relations, mediocre cinematography, and blasé costumes.
Truth or Dare (2017)
No, not the 2018 Blumhouse thriller. This gem is a lot closer to Saw.
A group of teens lock themselves in a house on Halloween to play truth or dare, but it turns out the game plays them instead. They have to do things like put their hands on a stove or eat human flesh, or they’ll die. The film’s decision to move on from that time and location might be the worst choice the film makes. Creativity can best be found in limits, making it abundantly clear that that’s a quality these filmmakers lack.
