Your Holiday Guide to Bad Halloween Movies

The Happening (2008)

Mark Wahlberg The Happening

What happened?

M. Night Shyamalan’s… eco-thriller? arbhorror?… is a cautionary tale about climate change… probably.

The Happening is downright hilarious. You can’t avoid laughing at a movie where someone just inexplicably feeds themselves to tigers. Watch Mark Wahlberg struggle to convincingly play a science teacher (which seems to be on par with nuclear physicist in terms of expertise in this universe), and Zooey Deschanel make the same face for 90 minutes in the least thrilling film you’ll ever watch.

Recommended for you: M. Night Shyamalan Directed Movies Ranked


Soul to Keep (2018)

Soul to Keep Movie

This movie starts out with a brother and sister singing “Do Your Ears Hang Low” while replacing “ears” with other things like “boobs” or “fart”. The horror doesn’t reach a higher level of sophistication than that.

The plot follows a group of friends who visit a house that was gifted to the siblings when their grandfather died, but it turns out gramps kept demon stuff in his basement. It’s plagued with annoying characters with bizarre interpersonal relations, mediocre cinematography, and blasé costumes.


Truth or Dare (2017)

Truth or Dare Horror Movie

No, not the 2018 Blumhouse thriller. This gem is a lot closer to Saw.

A group of teens lock themselves in a house on Halloween to play truth or dare, but it turns out the game plays them instead. They have to do things like put their hands on a stove or eat human flesh, or they’ll die. The film’s decision to move on from that time and location might be the worst choice the film makes. Creativity can best be found in limits, making it abundantly clear that that’s a quality these filmmakers lack.




Friend Request (2016)

Friend Request Horror Movie

It’s the classic story of the nice protagonist who takes pity on a loner, except it turns out the loner is a witch (that’s not a spoiler, it’s in the trailer).

The film uses Facebook as a catalyst for its horror, but it never really connects to the plot outside of people using Facebook. The characters are uninspired and dull, leaving all of us to wonder what it was about this story that excited anyone. My biggest question: if someone is haunting you through Facebook, why not just delete the app and stop using it entirely? Let the thing run its course.

Recommended for you: The Art of the Social Media Thriller; Narcissism, Paranoia and Tools for Good or Ill

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