Hi, I’m Annice and I’ve never seen Home Alone.
*Slap face in shock*
I know, I know. In my defence, for the first three years of my life I exclusively watched Beauty and The Beast (1991) and then I started reading.
So, to get myself into the Christmas spirit, I thought I’d sit down with the film that gets the biggest ‘oh my god, what? Are you joking? Seriously?’ response when I say ‘I haven’t seen [insert name of iconic film here]’.
For the two of you who don’t know, Home Alone is the story of Kevin McCallister – played by a youthful, pre-drugs Macaulay Culkin – who is left ‘home alone’ when his family go on a Christmas vacation to Paris. ‘When I grow up and get married, I’m living alone’ – yes Kevin I’m with you on that one. When he wakes up to find his family gone, he thinks a Christmas miracle has happened – cue montage of what we all should do when we are home alone: eat ice cream and watch movies (although as an adult I would not jump on the bed because I paid for that mattress). Now, because it’s the holidays, burglars are taking the opportunity to rob all the houses of the rich people that abandon their homes for warmer climates. Top Tip: don’t tell a stranger you are going away for the holidays because they will rob you. Kevin therefore has to defend his house from an evil duo who have tagged themselves as “The Wet Bandits”, which leads to a slapstick series of booby-traps that did make me laugh out loud.
My first and most important question that isn’t answered while watching this film is… (fear not, this is not going to one of those pieces that says, ‘How could parents forget a child?’, because I am able to suspend my disbelief about that)… ‘Why is everyone so horrible to Kevin?’
There is no back story to suggest that he’s a bad kid, he just wants someone to help him pack and to eat the pizza that has been ordered for him. Seriously, I’m not surprised Kevin was happy his family disappeared. If Buzz was my brother I’d be like, “great he’s gone, thank you baby Jesus”.
Another major thing that I want to pick out that annoyed me was “the Kevin scream”. My whole life I had assumed that Kevin’s scream was because of the people robbing his house or at the realisation that he had been left by his family. But alas, the scream is because he has put aftershave on his cheeks. Kevin has not shaved therefore he hasn’t opened his pores therefore it would not hurt that much! I feel cheated by the poster of the movie.
Despite my nit-picking, Home Alone is a great film and a really enjoyable movie experience. It has truly given me more cultural capital than my undergraduate degree. No longer will I have to false laugh at ‘Merry Christmas you filthy animal’ and I now understand my pub quiz team name “The Wet Bandits”. Now that I finally understand these things, the influence and reach of this movie is clear, and I understand why people are so shocked that I am alive and had never seen it.
Recommended for you: Home Alone Movies Ranked
I usually find that movies from the early 90’s feel really dated. However, this isn’t the case with Home Alone. It is funny and relatable. It’s like Kevin invented the Vlogger morning routine video, and him asking if the toothbrush is approved by the American dental association is exactly the kind of question people ask me in my retail job. Most importantly, Kevin’s fake party is better than most real parties I have ever been to. As I noted, the defending the house sequences are genuinely funny and silly in the best way.
The ending of this film is also so heart-warming – how have I never seen this? Kevin is so happy to have his family back, another Christmas miracle. The moral I took from this movie is: love your family. Even if they are not nice people and literally forget about you. Also, isn’t there another Home Alone where they forget Kevin again? I guess I’ll have to wait to see whether I should give up on this family. But Kevin… I love you. You are my spirit animal- ‘a lovely cheese pizza just for me’.
Now to finally watch Die Hard for the first time…