Fuckbois are everywhere. Not just on Tinder but also on your cinema screens. They make you shout at the screen, ‘what are you doing [insert leading lady’s name]?’.
And we all know that they come in many forms.
I’ve thought too much about this and come up with some categories for cinema fuckbois. I’ve found Six…
6. The Straight Up
A word of advice if you are going to be a fuckboi: please, be this one. He is honest about his fuckboiness. He calls you for sex but it is a booty call, it’s 2am and you can let yourself out when you are done. He never expects more from you so please don’t expect anything from him. The straight up is a womanizer but key to the fuckboi narrative, you don’t end up together.
Key example: Ted (Jon Hamm) Bridesmaids.
5. The One Before the One
He’s a ladies man, he’s beautiful, you wonder why he’s even looking at you, but he is. He’s charming and funny, he takes you to great restaurants and even your friends fancy him, but you’ll never meet his mother and he’ll never commit to you. When you ask him to, he’s got an American girlfriend that is much younger and thinner than you.
He’s only here to make you realise that the next guy will treat you so much better.
Key example: Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant) Bridget Jones Diary
4. The Loner
He is independent, successful and charming. He does not want to settle down, but unlike the straight up fuckboi he isn’t honest about his sexual intentions. However, he is clear that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. You can follow him on an adventure and if you are lucky you can join him for a film or two, but that’s the limit. You might mistake his loner status to mean he is sensible and maybe just hasn’t met the right girl. Maybe just maybe that girl is you.
Spoiler alert: it isn’t you.
Key example: Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) Indiana Jones Franchise
3. Soft, Sensitive Boy
This guy is slippery, because he doesn’t know he is a fuckboi. Sometimes he thinks he is the anti-fuckboi. He is sensitive, he listens to your problems and he likes the same pop culture as you. He’ll tell you he’s a feminist on your first date, but the key to his fuckboiness is what he expects from the women in his life. He wants a woman who is perfect and will save him. Your personality is not important, more how you fit into his life.
Key example: Tom (Joseph Gordon Levitt) 500 Days of Summer
2. YA Art Boy
Much like the sensitive soft boy, the YA Art Boy is in touch with his emotions, he reads poetry or plays the guitar (bonus points for both). However, this is a play, sometimes to impress his friends, but mainly so he can get you into bed. You decide to lose your virginity to him and then he tells you he wasn’t a virgin after all. It helps if he’s older than you and adults in the audience wonder why he can’t get a girlfriend his own age.
Key example: Kyle (Timothee Chalamet) Lady Bird.
1. I Can Show You the World
This is the worst type of fuckboi. He is a lovely guy, sensitive and understanding. He has a great job, and a good relationship with his mum. He doesn’t even mind waiting to have sex, in fact he encourages it. But once you have sex, he leaves you… and in the worst way possible.
You lose all hope in men and marry your cat.
Key examples: The doctor in Friends with Benefits. (I’m not looking up his name, he doesn’t deserve it)
I'm here to talk about Call Me By Your Name and watch all the films that I should have watched as child.