3. Belle Has Stockholm Syndrome
Epic song by Muse, not so epic plotline for a children’s movie extravaganza – but here we are, $425m later. Stranger things have happened.
It boasts a tale as old as time, and that’s certainly what we are getting, any copy of Take A Break will tell you that.
A hideously spliced and isolated beast-man, who was punished by a witch for being a superficial and utterly horrible person, kidnaps Belle’s father. This absolute humdinger of a bloke appeases Belle’s plea for her father’s freedom, in exchange for her eternal incarceration inside his castle.
Bloody idiot Belle agrees to this and spends the coming weeks trying to avoid having this nightmare creature screaming in her face, as she finds he is prone to psychotic and violent tempers.
Eventually the shock of seeing her father in peril and her own kidnapping leaves her mind, thanks to a singing wardrobe and dancing candle stick. Finally Belle begins to take pity on Beast because he gives her a few books.
A spoonful of literature helps the emotional blackmail go down.
The two fall in love and she trades her freedom for the bonds of matrimony – the only legal slavery available.
To conclude, I’m telling you she has Stockholm syndrome and that will have to be enough. In my defence, it has been written about extensively online and I’m struggling to deliver an original angle here.
4. Mulan Stops Her Dad From Committing Masculinity Suicide
“I know my place. It is time you learned yours,” Mulan’s dad screams at her when she protests him going to war. This gender-bending bride turned war hero is probably one of the more emotive of Walt’s collection, and pin-pointing just one depressing moment was a tough job.
The Fa family are called to war and Fa Zhou (Mulan’s dad) limps over to the Imperial Army to collect his papers. Having already fought in one war, Fa Zhou is injured and spends most of his days praying to the ancestors and drinking tea. Mulan cannot understand why her dad is committing suicide by going into a war he cannot fight, and this is when he delivers the crushing blow of “knowing his place”.
Earlier that evening, before the mad confrontation and crying in the rain, Mulan catches her dad practising out his swordsmanship. To our total surprise Fa Zhou is a double ‘ard bastard, with swordplay that would put Arya Stark to shame. He wields his weapon like it’s an extension of his body, with elegance and, let’s face it, damn stylish finesse.
Then he lets out a cry and falls to the floor. Fa Zhou. The guy we just saw handling himself like a pro falls down clutching his injured leg, and struggles to get back up. Mulan knows in this moment that her dad will surely beef it against the Hun army, but what a way to find out!
Mulan witnesses how her dad would die, and it was in this glimpse of his grisly fate that she decides to face them herself, and risk high treason in the process.
Thank God for Eddie Murphy or that film would have been a total downer.
Recommended for you: Mulan (2020) Review