12 Days of Unchristmas
No matter what popular culture would have us believe, the holidays aren’t for everyone. They can be stressful, pressured, boring, and lonely. But it remains a time of year when love, family, and wholesomeness are stuffed down our already turkey-filled necks.
For those of you who would rather not indulge in schmaltzy Hallmark movies, re-runs of saccharine classics, or Macaulay Culkin’s antics, there are alternatives available. While cinemas offer up Gremlins and John McClane as their notion of an alternative Xmas, for some of us even that isn’t enough…
From awkward family get-togethers to over-consumption and winter weather, the options for alternative films yule love (sorry) are endless. If you want beards, elves and golden rings, then The Lord of the Rings (2001-2003) may scratch that itch. And you can always replace your sleigh for a bobsleigh à la Cool Runnings (1993).
So, step away from the tinsel, and put the mince pie down, because The Film Magazine has twelve thoroughly un-festive films to enjoy during this interminable season.
For the big family meal try August: Osage County.
Violet (Meryl Streep) is a difficult character, curmudgeonly and mean. But she’s dying, so her family convenes. Amongst them are siblings, offspring, teenagers, estranged partners and carers. Each and every one regresses as they step through the doors.
As grief and confinement compound the tension, the family have some dirty laundry to air. Streep is joined by a stellar cast including Julia Roberts, Ewan McGregor, Abigail Breslin, and Benedict Cumberbatch, for one of the most uncomfortable family dinners Hollywood has ever seen.
August: Osage County’s searing script and brilliant cast make this glimpse into the inner lives of an incredibly dysfunctional family extremely watchable.
Enjoy a white Christmas? Watch Ice Age.
Blue Sky Studios obviously had less money behind them than some of the more well-established animation houses, so the animation feels slightly lacking in their 2002 debut Ice Age. However, this sweet little tale about found family, grief and acceptance is up there with the best family films.
Manny (Ray Romano), a mammoth and a grumpy beast, hurt by humans and destined to roam the landscape alone, finds Sid (John Leguizamo), an irritating and stinky sloth left behind by his migrating family, and a human child, on a riverbank. Diego (Dennis Leary), a Saber-toothed cat, completes the herd as they aim to return the child to its tribe.
The snowy landscape twinkles and glints, while the icicles chime. It’s perfect movie weather for hunkering down under a blanket.
Recommended for you: Blue Sky Studios Animated Movies Ranked
Had one too many? At least you don’t have Hundreds of Beavers to deal with.
Set in the early years of the wild frontier, in a stark and icy landscape, a drunken Applejack factory worker gets more than he bargains for after the local beavers attack his foundations.
Now homeless, it’s Jean Kayak (Ryland Brickson Cole Tews) against the wilderness. At first, he is plagued by woodland creatures. But, as he sobers up and learns from his past mistakes, the tables turn.
Filmed in black and white, the ridiculous (in the best way possible) slapstick draws obvious influence from classic Charlie Chaplin movies. Hundreds of Beavers is a surprising delight, its silence and low budget adding to its charm.
